కొన్ని శాంపిల్ తిట్లు – Jandhyala Style–Keep Laughing :) :) :) :)
Oct 29th
USE AND HAVE FUN:
కాకి నోట్లోంచి బ్రెడ్ ముక్క లా
atmలో pan card పెట్టే తింగరి సన్నాసి….
ac కోసం atm కి వెళ్లి బాలన్స్ enquiry చేసే కక్కుర్తి ఎదవ…
# 108 vehicle ని ఆపి లిఫ్ట్ అడిగి తి
Tintumon Revolution !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oct 29th
Teacher: Name the liquid which changes to solid when heated
Tintumon: Dosa
Bus Cunductor: Why are you standing near the door, is your father a watchman?
Tintu Mon: Why are you always asking for “Change”, Is your father a Beggar ??
A professor to tintumon: “what is attention deficit hyperactive disorder?”
tintumon: “JAMBALAKDI BAMBA”
professor: “i dont understand anything”
tintumon: “same 2 you”
Tintumon: Im sleep with dad last night
Teacher corrects him: no..no..I slept with dad last night
.
.
Tintumon: so.. you came after I slept..?
Father to Tintumon: Why can’t you not think every woman as your mother?
Tintumon: I can, but if i did so, what will people think of you?
To be is to do(Socrates)
To do is to be(Plato)
To be or not to be(Shakespeare)
Scoo be do be dooo(Tintu mon, LKG)……..
Teacher : What is “Al2 O3″ ?
Ramu : Alumina.
Teacher: Tintu, What is ‘Fe2 O3″?
Tintumon : “Filomina”
Teacher :What is the name of Gandhiji’s son?
Tintumon: Dineshan
Teacher :Why?????
Tintumon : Mahatma Gandhi is the father of di-neshan
Just For Fun ……
Oct 29th
Why do we sometimes write ‘etc’ at the end in the exam?
bcoz it means…
E-End of
T-thinking
C-capacity.
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How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife’s Mind 4 u?
?
?
?
?
?
Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying.. 
“I Luv u too”
.
.
GAME OVER.!
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When do you knw ur in love?
Ans. When you start searching for the cheapest mobile plan
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Wht is the Diff b/w
Young Age & Old Age?
*
Simple..
In Young Age
Phone Is Full Of Darlings Numbers..
In Old Age
Its Full of Doctors Numbers..!-
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“Why is Facebook such a hit?
It works on the principle that-
‘People are more interested in others life than their own-!
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A Ques Asked In A Talent Test:
If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How wud You Recognize Your WIFE?
The Best Answer
- Why d Hell Should I recognise?
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V Pronounce 22 as TwentyTwo, 33 as Thirty Three,
44 as FortyFour,
55 as FiftyFive, Why not 11 as OnetyOne?
Doubt By last bench asociation…
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What is the diff.between”GHAZAL” &”LECTURE”?Every word spoken by the girlfriend is “GHAZAL”andEvery word spoken by wife is “LECTURE”
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Wats d diff btwn Pongal n idly?think.think..think…U ll get a holiday for pongal but not for idly.
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What will be the girl’s name born on 1st of APRIL? Guess Guess Guess Guess “FOOLAN DEVI..
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Why does d bride & groom xchange garlands at d time of wedding….. B’coz they say each affectionately that : “DARLING NOW U R DEAD”………..
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What is the height of confusion? Two earth worms Playing HIDE AND SEEK in a Plate full of noodles.
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Wat is d Biggest Benefit of having a crush in d same college where u study ?
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100% Attendence… 
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QUES – Where can u see mangoes? On mango trees? NO.At fruit shop? WRONG AGAIN….Fir kaha?
ANS – Jaha jaha women go,piche piche Man(goes).
——————————
——————————
Teacher: What Is The Differnce HIMAMI
&
SUNAMI ?
Tintu: HIMAMI is Face Wash,
SUNAMI is Total Wash.!
——————————
Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell ur Friend
“U r my Best Friend”
But
Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
“U r my Best Wife?”
The Pig And The Horse| Fwd by Swathi Manyam
Oct 29th
There was a farmer who collected horses; he only needed one more breed to complete his collection. One day, he found out that his neighbor had the particular horse breed he needed. So, he constantly bothered his neighbor until he sold it to him. A month later, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:
- Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I’ll come back on the 3rd day and if he’s not better, we’re going to have to put him down.
Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig approached the horse and said:
- Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they’re going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left. The pig came back and said:
- Come on buddy, get up or else you’re going to die! Come on, I’ll help you get up. Let’s go! One, two, three…
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said:
- Unfortunately, we’re going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:
- Listen pal, it’s now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That’s it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three… Good, good. Now faster, come on…. Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you’re a champion!!!
All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting:
- It’s a miracle! My horse is cured. This deserves a party. Let’s kill the pig!
Points for reflection: This often happens in the workplace. Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves the merit of success, or who’s actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.
LEARNING TO LIVE WITHOUT RECOGNITION IS A SKILL!
If anyone ever tells you that your work is unprofessional, remember:
Amateurs built the Ark and professionals built the Titanic.
COMPANIES FOLLOW THE FOLLOWING METHODS..|Fwd by Mouneesha
Oct 29th
COMPANIES FOLLOW THE FOLLOWING METHODS:
COGNIZANT Method:
hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more……. and more …….
TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration
Accenture Method:
Hire a lion..
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL…
No good food, No water.
And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion……
IBM’s metbod:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
he dies of unemployment…
Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat …
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….
MBT method
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score
60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?
i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
COSL Method:
hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance…
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat….
Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..
Capgemini method
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
the lion dies before joining…. *
Wipro Method:*
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..!!!! *
HUAWEI* Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends…
No time for food and family, automatically die ****
*PERSISTENT METHOD*
hire Lions from all over from country …
Ask them to work in cage at pune office only..
lions feel as if they are cat …
and die..
*PATNI* Method:
After joining when the Lion comes to know the full form of PATNI as …
… Pathetic Appraisal Technique & No Increment
Tell him to work late and even on weekends..
He gets frustrated and dies slowly …*
THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST* *
INFOSYS METHOD:*
HIRE A LION…..
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
………………………………………..KING OF THE JUNGLE!
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
………………………………………..LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
………………………………………..CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
………………………………………..MOUSE RUNS HERE AND
THERE FOR HELP !!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
………………………………………..MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE
… 
COMPANIES FOLLOW THE FOLLOWING METHODS..|Fwd by Mouneesha
Oct 28th
COGNIZANT Method:
hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more……. and more …….
TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration
Accenture Method:
Hire a lion..
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL…
No good food, No water.
And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion……
IBM’s metbod:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
he dies of unemployment…
Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat …
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….
MBT method
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score
60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?
i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
COSL Method:
hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance…
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat….
Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..
Capgemini method
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
the lion dies before joining…. *
Wipro Method:*
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..!!!! *
HUAWEI* Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends…
No time for food and family, automatically die ****
*PERSISTENT METHOD*
hire Lions from all over from country …
Ask them to work in cage at pune office only..
lions feel as if they are cat …
and die..
*PATNI* Method:
After joining when the Lion comes to know the full form of PATNI as …
… Pathetic Appraisal Technique & No Increment
Tell him to work late and even on weekends..
He gets frustrated and dies slowly …*
THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST* *
INFOSYS METHOD:*
HIRE A LION…..
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
………………………………………..KING OF THE JUNGLE!
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
………………………………………..LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
………………………………………..CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
………………………………………..MOUSE RUNS HERE AND
THERE FOR HELP !!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
………………………………………..MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE
…
Smartest Kid In 1st Grade..|Fwd by Chandra Kanth Bhima Read more: http://www.funinstore.com/2011/10/smartest-kid-in-1st-grade-fwd-by-chandra-kanth-bhima/#ixzz1c6jSQ2AV
Oct 28th
Smartest Kid In 1st Grade
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’
Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’
Harry: ’9.’
Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’
Harry: ’36.’
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ‘I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade’
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, ‘Let me ask him some questions..’
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?’
Harry, after a moment: ‘Legs.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: ‘Pockets.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a dog do that a man steps into?’
Harry: ‘Pants.’
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: ‘What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?’
The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, ‘Bubble gum.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?’
Harry: ‘Shake hands .’
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: ‘What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?’
Harry: ‘Firetruck.’
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, ‘Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.
ll time Jandhyala thitlu[TELUGU]
Oct 28th
All time Jandhyala thitlu.
1. Nalla Cooling glass vesukoni Nalla addamlo choosukuntoo maadipoyina
masala dosanu amavaasya roju current poyina timelo tine pinjari edava.
2. Africa korivi deyyaniki America bhoothaniki akramasanthanamga puttina
mohamu nuvvu.
3. Plane lo kerchief esi seat book chesukotaaniki parachute esukelle picchi
edava
4. Computer lo “File not found” ani error vosthey ekkada undha ani paina
kinda vethukkune verri naayala.
5. Bandaru laddu kosam kothulani (Bandar) ni vetaade panikimaalina moham
nuvvu!!
6. Sunday Night Pub ki velli VEDIGAA UPMA UNDAA ani adigedi ebraasi.
7. Summer lo sweaterlu ammukune yerri nayala
8. amudam tho omlate veskune.aragundu vedava.
9. Airport lo handkerchiefs ammukuntu thirigeee endipoyina noothilo baavuru
kappa facuuu
10. endakalam lo raggu kappukuni vedi coffee thaage pinjaari moham nuvvunu
11. nee hobbies entante chettha kuppalo plastic kaagithalerukovadam ani
cheppe kampu facuu nuvvu.
12. Java prog lo class declare cheyamante 5th class ani raase picchi
nayala.
13. MNC interview lo HR round ki lungi toh poye moham.
14. Software Requirement phase lo kirana list raase muganasthapu mohamoda
15. Client to conference ki puli veshamlo velle budabukkaloda
16. Pencil adigina pillatho pellainda ani pichapicha prasnalu yese paaapii
17. Balayya cinemaki Black tickets kone face
18. pagilina window glass toh spectacles cheyyinchukune khanjoos gaa
19. Bombay cinema choodataniki bombai poye moham
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